Opening Up

I happened upon a podcast of Dennis Prager, last night. I’ve enjoyed listening to him off and on but not as a serious listener. He did however have a very interesting question he asked his listeners. He wanted to know what prevented a person from opening up totally to people. He wanted to know if it was something in your past that prevented you from opening up. He wanted to know if you had been hurt or had the fear of being hurt because of something that happened in the past. I thought it was a great question.

For me, I almost started laughing. My quick answer was that I don’t like people, so why should I be transparent with them?. Yet I do the opposite around people. I don’t hold back. I think in my mind I want to repel people away from me. I am of course one of those type of people that, what you see is what you get. I am not politically correct, I am not a nice person as I say things that hurt people, yet I love deeply those I care about. In fact, I would die for those I love and I love many. I guess one could say I am a contradiction. I have many acquaintances and few true friends. I have no true friends from my childhood (birth to 13). From high school, I have less than ten friends. In all the jobs I held, I have less than ten true friends. By friends, I mean those I regularly communicate with. I probably have more enemies that I am in continual communication than friends.

Am I anti-social? Perhaps in many eyes I am. But I chose to live a life of small circles. Too many of a thing can make life complicated. I do not fear anyone, I love all human kind, however, that does not mean I have to like all human kind. I can distain certain people for their cruelty to those I think should have a right to live where they choose. I can distain lifestyles or political ideologies because it is not what I believe. But because I distain does not mean I hate certain groups, because I cannot hate anyone. Hatred is a thing that consumes a person and I won’t allow that to happen to me. 

Perhaps I am going about this all wrong. By being an open book, people are drawn to me. If I was a closed book, they would be overly curious about me. Maybe I should just say, “I am not interested in a relationship, so don’t expect me to be forthcoming.”